WRITER FOR MARKETING & SALES
MicrophoneGraphic.jpg

Extras

Just for fun.

How’s My Stuff Gonna Get There?

A tribute to my friends in the moving industry.

I was offered the job on Friday at nine.
They said: “We need to know—make up your mind.”
So I said “yes,” with some caveats:
”Where in the world is this job at?
Is it cold there? Do they have baseball?
Will you help me move?”

They said: “Call this number and talk to Mac.
He’s got trucks that go all over and back.
He even has containers fantastic,
Made out of some sort of space-age plastic.
You could probably ride one down Niagara Falls,
If you were going that way.”
Which I wasn’t.

How’s my stuff gonna get there?
How’s my stuff gonna get there?
Mr. Mover Dude, please tell me I’m not screwed.
How’s my stuff gonna get there?

So I picked up the phone and talked to the man.
Turns out I’d have to wait for a van.
I said: “I don’t have a whole lot of stuff.
One of them pod-things is probably enough
To do the job. You got anything like that?”
He said: “You bet your boogie board we do.”

From then on, everything went as it should.
I made it to work, and so far so good.
There’s baseball here, all over town,
And ice-cold brewski when the sun goes down.
Yep, I’m glad I called that mover dude.
I made a good move.

How’s my stuff gonna get there?
How’s my stuff gonna get there?
Mr. Mover Dude, please tell me I’m not screwed.
How’s my stuff ever gonna get there?

It’s all here . . . 7,000-piece baseball card collection in sequentially numbered cigar boxes; ten years of Sports Illustrated magazines, including duplicates of all Swimsuit issues; six pairs of camo Crocs with velcro closures; smoke alarm with snooze button; a set of souvenir Kentucky Derby mint julep glasses; microwave toaster-oven espresso maker; custom-painted tandem mountain bike; modified California food processor with solar-powered puree feature; framed watercolor of armadillos playing poker; limited-edition Lord of the Rings lamp shade; five-speed automatic dog walk with shock absorbers; fifty-three hardbound books including a dictionary of pig Latin and a treatise on the theory of irrelativity; dayglo orange bowling ball with phosphorescent case; life-size John Wayne cardboard standee; massager-recliner with seven-setting heat feature; vintage Ludwig super-sensitive snare drum with cowbell attachment; inflatable buffet and salad bar . . . 

How’s my stuff gonna get there?
How’s my stuff gonna get there?
Mr. Mover Dude, please tell me I’m not screwed.
How’s my stuff ever gonna get there?
Mr. Mover Dude, please tell me I’m not screwed.
How’s my stuff gonna get there?



Music Composition

Lead Sheets

I was having trouble sleeping until I found a bedding expert at Simplicity Furniture. This song came out of that experience.


Limericks

A kegler from Kalamazoo
Traded his smokes for a chew.
He keeps the air nice
With no trace of his vice—
Except for a little “spittoo.”

An enlightened bowler named Sykes
Puts war atop all his dislikes.
He’s never gained fame
On the strength of his game,
But he’s known for a few hunger strikes.

Frankenstein made his team shudder
To hear him so casually utter:
“When I roll my brain,
I play straight down the lane—
It keeps my mind out of the gutter.”

A bowler from west of El Paso
Threw strike after strike with his lasso.
But once, when he tripped,
His trusty rope slipped,
And the ball hit him right in the “asso.”


  My take on a promotional campaign for my home town: “e is for everyone.”

My take on a promotional campaign for my home town: “e is for everyone.”